Childhood Trauma and Its Impact on Us as Adults

Childhood Trauma and Its Impact on Us as Adults

(Blog 4)

Many people think of childhood trauma as “big” events, violence, neglect, abuse, loss.

But trauma is also the experiences that were too muchfor us at the time, or the things we needed but didn’t get: safety, protection, emotional connection, consistency, or being seen.

And the truth is this:

Childhood trauma doesn’t stay in childhood.

It shows up in our adult lives in ways we often don’t recognise, through our relationships, our coping strategies, and the way we speak to ourselves.

In my work as a therapist, I see every day how early experiences shape the adults we become.

Understanding this isn’t about blame.

It’s about reclaiming your story so it doesn’t control you anymore.

What Counts as Childhood Trauma?

Childhood trauma isn’t only the obvious, dramatic moments. It can be subtle, quiet, and invisible.

Types of childhood trauma include:

   •   Emotional neglect (not being comforted, believed, or understood)

   •   Growing up around addiction, mental illness, or chaos

   •   Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse

   •   Parentification (becoming the carer at a young age)

   •   Being shamed or criticised repeatedly

   •   Abandonment or unpredictable caregiving

   •   Domestic violence, conflict, or instability

   •   Bullying or exclusion

Even the “small moments” can leave deep emotional imprints when you’re young.

Your nervous system remembers what your mind tries to forget.

How Childhood Trauma Affects Us as Adults

Trauma doesn’t disappear.

It adapts — often becoming the survival patterns we still carry today.

Common long-term impacts include:

1. Difficulty with boundaries

If you learned that your needs didn’t matter, setting boundaries as an adult can feel selfish or dangerous.

2. People-pleasing

Trying to keep everyone happy becomes a way to feel safe and avoid conflict.

3. Overthinking and hypervigilance

Always scanning for danger, rejection, or signs something is “wrong.”

4. Fear of abandonment

Relationships can feel unstable or overwhelming because early attachment wasn’t secure.

5. Low self-esteem and the inner critic

Childhood shame becomes the voice I call “The Shitty Committee”,  the inner critic that tells you you’re not enough.

6. Emotional numbness or avoidance

Shutting down feelings becomes a survival response, especially after years of being overwhelmed.

7. Struggles with addiction or coping behaviours

Substances, food, sex, people, work, often become ways to escape overwhelming emotion.

(This is where trauma and addiction recovery therapy overlap deeply.)

8. Difficulty trusting others

If trust was broken early, it makes perfect sense to be cautious now.

9. Repeating familiar patterns

We unconsciously recreate dynamics we grew up with, even the painful ones, because they feel “normal.”

None of this means anything is wrong with you.

It means your younger self survived the best way they could.

Why The Past Still Affects the Present

When something stressful or traumatic happens in childhood, the brain wires itself around survival.

This creates long-term patterns in:

   •   attachment

   •   belief systems

   •   self-worth

   •   emotional regulation

   •   relationships

   •   coping strategies

Childhood trauma lives in the body, not just the mind. And unless it’s processed safely, it keeps shaping our reactions, fears, and choices.

This is why trauma-informed counselling is so powerful.

It helps you understand the why, so you can change the how.

Healing Childhood Trauma as an Adult

Healing doesn’t mean erasing the past.

It means no longer letting the past run your life.

Therapy can help you:

   •   Understand where certain patterns came from

   •   Develop healthier coping strategies

   •   Strengthen the adult self who can protect your inner child

   •   Build self-compassion, not self-judgement

   •   Quiet the inner critic

   •   Set boundaries without guilt

   •   Feel safe in your body again

   •   Rewire emotional and relational patterns

   •   Learn emotional regulation skills

You don’t have to relive trauma to heal it, you just need a safe space to understand how it shaped you.

How Integrative Therapy Supports This Healing

My approach combines:

   •   Person-Centred Therapy (building safety, trust, and self-understanding)

   •   CBT (rewiring unhelpful thoughts and behaviours)

   •   Gestalt Therapy (working with parts of yourself, including the wounded inner child)

   •   Addiction Recovery Therapy (for clients using substances or behaviours to cope)

This integrative approach helps clients explore childhood experiences in a grounded, gentle, and empowering way.

Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, trauma, addiction, relationship difficulties or low self-esteem, therapy offers space to rewrite patterns that began long before adulthood.

A Final Word

If your childhood was hard, chaotic, or unsafe, it is not your fault that you’re struggling now.

Your responses are not weaknesses, they are survival strategies that helped you get through things no child should have had to face.

But you’re an adult now.

You get to learn new ways.

You get to heal.

You get to build the life you deserved back then.

Your story doesn’t end with what happened to you.

Healing is possible, and you don’t have to do it alone.

Jr Atkins MNCPS